When your partner drinks alcohol, do you notice that they become verbally abusive? You may shrug this behavior off, assuming “it’s the alcohol talking.” But when is enough enough? Verbal abuse is a form of domestic violence, and it can escalate to physical violence, especially when alcohol is involved.
Arizona has some of the highest rates of domestic violence deaths. In 2022, 101 people were killed due to domestic violence in our state. However, physical violence doesn’t typically start out of nowhere. There is a pattern that happens, and it usually begins with verbal abuse. According to DomesticShelters.org, abuse almost always escalates. Verbal abuse like insults slowly become more hurtful and degrading as the person seeks to exert more power. Substances like alcohol can make things worse, as now the person lacks control over their behavior.
Wolf Creek Recovery specializes in treating substance use disorders and co-occurring mental health disorders. Domestic violence is not uncommon in relationships with substance use, and we understand this delicate component and how it can impact the recovery process. Whether you are seeking help for yourself or your loved one, we can help. Let’s learn more about alcoholism and verbal abuse and how the two behaviors perpetuate each other.
Defining Verbal Abuse
Verbal abuse is a form of emotional abuse that involves the use of language to harm, manipulate, or control another person. It can occur in various contexts, including intimate relationships, family settings, workplaces, and social interactions. Verbal abuse can be overt or subtle and can have long-lasting effects on the victim’s emotional and psychological well-being. Many people who have experienced verbal abuse have low self-esteem, anxiety and depression, difficulty trusting others, and stress-related illnesses.
Examples of verbal abuse include:
- Insults and name-calling
- Yelling and screaming
- Criticism and judgment
- Threats and intimidation
- Blaming and accusations
- Manipulation and gaslighting
- Sarcasm and hostile jokes
- Ridicule and humiliation
Understanding the Link Between Alcoholism and Verbal Abuse
The link between alcohol use disorder (AUD) and verbal abuse is complex and involves psychological, social, and physiological factors. Alcohol is a depressant that slows the brain and reduces inhibitions, causing common side effects like slurred speech, stumbling, and mood and behavior changes. When you drink alcohol, parts of your brain responsible for managing anger are suppressed, making negative emotions more likely to bubble or surface. This is especially the case for individuals who are drinking out of frustration. While anger is one of the most noticeable heightened emotional responses that occur from drinking, there are others as well.
Why Alcoholics Harm the Ones They Love
It can be difficult to understand why someone would verbally hurt the people they love most, but alcohol can cause physical, psychological, and social changes in a person. While these changes are not an excuse for poor behavior, it can help to understand the complex dynamics of AUD and how it impacts relationships.
Alcohol lowers inhibitions, which can cause people to say or do things they might not do if they’re sober. This can result in impulsive, harmful behaviors towards loved ones. Chronic alcohol use can also cause severe mood swings and emotional instability, which can lead to angry outbursts.
People who misuse alcohol also tend to have co-occurring mental health conditions that can contribute to abusive behaviors. Plus, those who use alcohol regularly often experience intense feelings of guilt, shame, and frustration regarding their behaviors. These feelings can be projected onto another person through verbal attacks. Chronic alcohol use can also cause changes to occur in the brain that can impair judgment, reduce self-control, and increase aggression.
Alcoholism and the Cycle of Abuse
Alcohol use disorder and the cycle of abuse are deeply intertwined and can be difficult to break. The cycle typically involves several stages. The first is tension building, where tension builds due to various stressors, such as financial problems, relationship issues, and personal insecurities. The person who is drinking and verbally abusing people in the home may become increasingly irritable, anxious, or angry.
The next stage is when the person releases built-up tension through abusive behavior like yelling, insults, and threats. Alcohol consumption can lower inhibitions and exacerbate aggression as well. It’s common for these individuals to feel remorseful after these incidents, apologizing for their actions and promising to change. They may also try to blame their behavior on alcohol or other external factors, such as a bad day at work.
The relationship may temporarily stabilize, leading to the next stage—the honeymoon stage. Here, the person may exhibit loving, kind, and attentive behavior in an attempt to make up for the damage they caused. This can lead to a false sense of security for others in the household, causing them to downplay the severity of the situation and believe it won’t happen again.
Consuming Alcohol and Verbal Abuse
Alcohol can be a catalyst for abusive behavior. Understanding the relationship between consuming alcohol and acting abusively can help individuals recognize the signs, prevent abuse, and seek appropriate treatment and support. However, because of the cycle of abuse, it’s not always easy for people to recognize what’s happening, at least at first. The person who is drinking may blame their actions on other factors, while the person who is receiving the abuse may make excuses for their loved one, believing they will change.
Alcohol and Personality Changes
Alcohol can alter an individual’s personality, though this is often temporary, occurring with intoxication. Some of the ways it does this are by lowering inhibitions, enhancing confidence, creating mood swings, increasing aggression, and contributing to poor decisions. Chronic alcohol use can lead to long-term personality changes, such as persistent mood swings, memory problems, isolation, aggressiveness and hostility, and neglecting responsibilities. Without intervention, the continued use of alcohol can lead to strained relationships, social isolation, and various mental health issues.
Alcoholic Spouse: Verbal Abuse and Mind Games
Dealing with a spouse with AUD who engages in verbal abuse and mind games can be extremely challenging and emotionally draining. It’s important to know that you do not have to endure this type of behavior. YOU get to set the rules for how people treat you. If you are dealing with this situation, you’ll want to set clear boundaries. Make it known that verbal abuse and mind games are unacceptable. Consistently enforce these boundaries, and determine consequences if they are not followed.
Keep in mind that people play mind games for various reasons, and these behaviors can be conscious or unconscious. Your spouse may be trying to exert power and control over you, or they may be compensating for low self-esteem and insecurity. When they drink alcohol, they have less control over themselves, causing them to act out in negative ways.
Seeking Help for Those Experiencing Verbal Abuse
If you are experiencing verbal abuse, be sure to seek professional support, such as individual counseling, couples therapy, and support groups. If your spouse continues to engage in abusive behavior when they drink, develop a safety plan. Identify trusted friends and family you can call in an emergency, know of a safe place to go if you need to leave your home suddenly, and keep important documents and emergency funds accessible. Encourage your spouse to seek support for AUD, though remember you can’t force them to do so.
If your spouse doesn’t want to change, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship. Consider the impact on your mental health, as well as the well-being of any children involved. Work towards financial independence so that you have more options, and consider alternative living arrangements. It may not be ideal, but you can always return to your spouse if they commit to recovery. Also be sure to take care of your mental health by engaging in activities that promote your well-being, such as exercise, hobbies, and spending time with supportive friends and family. If the verbal abuse escalates to physical violence, you may need to seek a restraining order to protect yourself.
Getting Help for Alcohol Use Disorder in Prescott, AZ
Alcohol doesn’t always bring out the best in people. The good news is that AUD can be successfully managed. Supervised detoxification safely manages withdrawal symptoms under medical supervision. Medications are also available to manage cravings and withdrawal symptoms. Following detox, individuals can start an alcoholism treatment program that offers behavioral therapies, medications for AUD, support groups, holistic therapies, and aftercare. This is especially beneficial for those who are using alcohol to cope, as they can get to the root of their issues and learn new ways to handle their anger.
Alcohol use disorders are treated in the most comprehensive manner possible at Wolf Creek Recovery. We recognize that people turn to alcohol for a variety of reasons, and we intend to help them heal on a physical, emotional, and spiritual level. Individuals participate in therapy, counseling, and support groups, while also having access to healthy outdoor activities like pickleball, tennis, softball, and basketball. Build a life you love. Contact Wolf Creek Recovery today at 833-732-8202 to learn more about our programs.
FAQs About Alcoholism and Verbal Abuse
What should I do if I don’t feel safe around my alcoholic partner?
If you don’t feel safe around your partner, create a safety plan that includes the contact information of trusted friends and family and places you can go in an emergency. Also, pack an emergency bag and seek professional support.
Does verbal abuse often lead to physical abuse with alcoholism?
Verbal abuse in the context of AUD can often escalate to physical abuse. Several factors increase the likelihood of this progression, such as built-up tension, control and dominance, escalating threats, and a history of violence.
How can I rebuild my relationship once my partner is sober?
When your partner gets sober, you can rebuild your relationship. Practice open communication, set clear expectations, seek professional help, participate in support groups, and spend quality time together.
