When you have a recovering addict or alcoholic in your life, it can be difficult to interact with them. Of course, you want to support their recovery and respect their needs, but you also need to balance this with the appropriate expectations and rules. Setting boundaries is one of the best ways to do this, as boundaries let others know what is okay and what isn’t.
Although it can be difficult to set boundaries, they are essential as your loved one returns home from drug rehab in Prescott AZ. Ultimately, having boundaries will make you happier in your home and benefit your relationship in the long run. Below are four tips for setting boundaries with someone who is in recovery.
1. Be Fair and Firm
One of the challenging parts about setting boundaries is making sure you are being fair and firm – not too casual and not too harsh. Here’s a great framework for setting boundaries:
- State what the issue is.
- Explain what you want to happen.
- Decide what consequences will follow if the action doesn’t happen.
Don’t let your emotions get involved, as this can make things worse. A healthy conversation might look like this: “I want you to start looking for a part-time job so that you can pay for some of your needs. If you can’t find a job, I’m going to ask you to find your own apartment.”
2. Talk When Both Sides are Calm
Many rehab centers in Arizona offer family therapy as part of their treatment program. Family therapy is a great place to start having conversations about boundaries. The environment is supportive, everyone is calm and there’s a neutral third party to lead the way. Hopefully, this will help you and your loved one get more comfortable communicating with each other.
When your loved one returns home, start the conversation about boundaries when you are both calm. Don’t pick a time when you’re stressed out or your loved one is having a hard day. And remember, you’ll probably have these conversations many times. When your loved one does something that bothers you, such as staying out past curfew, you’ll need to address it.
3. Monitor Progress
After setting a boundary, it’s important to check in with your loved one and see how they are doing. This keeps the lines of communication open and prevents things from getting out of control. If your loved one is trying to find a job but hasn’t gotten many interviews, you might have to loosen your boundaries a bit.
Through trial and error, you can see what works best for your loved one (and your family), and how to fuel good behavior. Boundaries are meant to protect your mental health and provide structure in the home – NOT make things more difficult.
4. Reinforce with Consequences
Lastly, make sure that you have consequences to match your boundaries. If there are no consequences, you won’t motivate your loved one to change. If they come home late, you need to follow through with the punishment, whether it’s moving back their curfew or not letting them go out during the week. Tough love is definitely needed here.
Reinforcing consequences is not easy, and your loved one probably will react poorly. But following through takes the place of yelling, screaming and making empty threats. If your loved one is currently part of an Arizona rehab, be sure to ask about family therapy and how it can help you with setting boundaries.
Wolf Creek Recovery is proud to offer a Family Therapy program that gives families a safe space where they can discuss negative emotions, codependency and enabling, poor communication and boundaries. Contact our admissions department to learn more about our programs.
Finding purpose in pain is what Jonathon does best. He is a strong advocate for those suffering from substance use disorders. As a person in recovery, Jonathon knows how important it is to receive empathy and compassion. He recognizes that each person comes from a different set of circumstances and deserves to be valued and respected.
With a fresh perspective and compassionate attitude, Jonathon works closely with clients to help them let go of the past and know when to take necessary risks. The recovery process is ongoing, which means people need to move forward while applying the skills learned in treatment. Jonathon is a great motivator when it comes time for this!
Jonathon also places emphasis on the family unit and how it can make or break the recovery experience. Individuals with active, supportive families have far better outcomes. Jonathon realizes that it’s impossible to move mountains overnight, but with the right support team and positive attitude, anything is possible.
